No one likes Nazis. There was a whole war about it. Also, no one likes ugly uniforms. So here are the most hideous uniforms in history, and the Nazis that inspired them.
10. Reinhard Gehlen and the Pittsburgh Pirates
Reinhard Gehlen was a Nazi spy, who after the war worked for the U.S. as their top intelligence agent working against the Soviet Union.
The Pirates wore these jerseys in the late 70's and early 80's, most notably during the "We Are Family" 1979 championship season.
What's the connection?
They may be bad, but there is also something good to remember them by.
9. Artur Axmann and the Oregon Ducks
Axmann was the chief officer responsible for the organization and actions of the Hitler Youth.
These neon forest uniforms have been worn by the University of Oregon for the past few years, and are fondly embraced by the student body.
What's the connection?
They are a horrible influence on impressionable minds
8. Adolf Eichmann and the Vancouver Canucks
Eichmann is known as "the architect of the Holocaust", as he was in charge of the transportation of Jews to internment camps. He was caught hiding out in Argentina in 1960, and executed in Israel as a war criminal.
The Canucks first sported these safety vests in 1979 until finally being replaced in 1986.
What's the connection?
They appear to have worked for the transportation department until finally being killed, much too late.
7. Rudolf Hess and the Seattle Seahawks
Rudolf Hess was Hitler's top deputy, until, for unknown reasons, he crashed a plane in Scotland. Theories on this strange flight range from defection, to an attempt for peace, to the man just being insane.
The Seahawks expanded on their neon green stripe idea until it encompassed their entire torso, and the helmet is still a different shade of blue than the rest of the jersey. So far it has only made a few appearances this season.
What's the connection?
They've got a scheme that is just mind-boggling, and may never be understood.
6. Heinrich Muller and the Chicago White Sox
Heinrich Muller was the head of the Gestapo and a main player in the planning of the Holocaust. He was last seen walking around the Fuhrerbunker the day after Hitler committed suicide. He remains the highest ranking Nazi whose ultimate fate is unknown.
These beauties were the brainchild of Chicago owner Bill Veeck. Veeck often used gimmicks to sell tickets (like the infamous disco demolition night), and this was one of his many 1976 stunts. Only worn once that summer, no attempt has been made to bring them back.
What's the connection?
No one is sure what happened to them, and however unlikely, the fear that they could return has terrified people for years.
5. Heinrich Himmler and the Houston Astros
Heinrich Himmler was the leader of the S.S., Minister of the Interior, Commander-in-Chief of the Army of the Rhine and an all-round bad guy. He was one of the most powerful men in the Third Reich, and once attempted peace negotiations with the Allies. He was also involved in an attempted assassination of Hitler, so as to gain power. At the end of his life, he was hunted by both the Axis powers and the Allies.
First adorned in the late 70's, these sunrise inspired disco shirts remained throughout the Astros heydays of the 80's. They looked rather silly, and even made Nolan Ryan look less intimidating.
What's the connection?
These disgusting things started out strong, but ended up hated by everybody.
4. Hermann Goering and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers
Nazi poster boy Hermann Goering joined the party in 1922, after a very successful aviation career in the first World War. As the years went by he gained momentum as a political force within the Third Reich. By the outbreak of the war he was appointed as the commander of the Luftwaffe. And despite being the most advanced air force on the planet, the Luftwaffe is now remembered as the Washington Generals of the History Channel. In 1945 he was relieved of command and charged with treason. He committed suicide while awaiting execution after the Nuremberg Trials.
The Buccaneers debuted in 1976 (and lost their first 26 games), wearing these uniforms as an AFC West team (because Tampa is in the western United States.) They were sent to the NFC Central the following season (because Tampa is in the center of the United States.), until 2002 when the NFL finally got out a map and sent them to the NFC South (Tampa is in the South, right?) and they won their first Super Bowl. These uniforms, however were long gone. They were ceremoniously discarded in 1996, after only making the playoffs 2 times in their 20 year history. They became a perrenial playoff team almost immediately after the change.
What's the connection?
After 20 years of autrocity and ineptitude, they were finally dismissed of their command.
3. Josef Mengele and the WFL's pants
Dr. Mengele was a "physician" at Auschwitz. The term "physician" here means demented madman with free roam to due horrible experiments on human test subjects in the name of "science." He had a penchant for experimenting on identical twin children, doing bizarre operations such as changing the eye color of his patients, and unnecessary amputations without the use of anesthetics. "Uncle" Mengele operated on approximately 3,000 twins, 26 pairs of which survived. After the war he fled to Argentina where he was hunted, yet not discovered until after his death in 1979.
The World Football League lasted for two glorious seasons, 1974 and 1975. The league was forward thinking, in that they had an "Action Point" which was a precursor to the two point conversion in the NFL. However another attempt at changing the sport as we know it, thankfully did not take off. In 1974 they experimented with position based pant color and design. Some of the examples include - blue for defensive linemen, purple for offensive linemen, white with three stars down the side for quarterbacks, and so on. Luckily the league folded soon after. Interestingly, because of the financial trouble the league was in, after World Bowl 1, the team's uniforms were confiscated by the local sherrif's department as collateral. This is so far as I know, the only time uniforms have been arrested.
What's the connection?
They were responsible for horrible experiments released upon human kind, only to disappear entirely shortly after.
2. Joseph Goebbels and the Denver Nuggets
Goebbels was officially the Minister for Public Enlightenment, which meant he was charged with selling the Nazi idealism to the German masses. Which he did, all too well. He developed the "Big Lie" theory of propaganda, which is based on the "If we say it loud enough, and enough time, it becomes truth" (turn on Fox News if you don't understand). In addition to being probably the best salesman of all time, he was also probably one of the worst human beings of all time (you gotta believe in what you are selling). Some of the evils committed include setting off the attack on German Jews that led to the Holocaust, instigating widespread book burnings, rampant womanizing and pedophilia. He was Hitler's successor as leader of the Reich for one day, before killing his wife and 6 young children, then taking his own life.
The Nuggets of the 80's were horrible, and so were their jerseys. They appear to feature sort of rainbow Tetris motif, that is supposed to represent the Denver skyline on a Rocky Mountain backdrop. According to this logo Denver is some magical place to live (or at least the Gay Pride capital of Colorado), not the cold, thin aired, overpriced pit of misery that we all know it is.
What's the connection?
They are big liars. History can see through the veiled secrets they hid during their reign of misinformation.
1. Adolf Hitler and the Denver Broncos
We all know who Hitler was. So how about some stuff you may not have known? He was a vegetarian, for the most part, only eating meat on occasion. He was an ardent anti-smoker, advocating smoking bans in his bunker (the first thing officer's did after he committed suicide was light up.) He had three known girlfriends in his life, all three of which attempted suicide, with two succeeding. He was Time Magazine's 1938 Man of The Year (wtf?) He was raised Roman Catholic. His middle name was Schicklgruber until he entered politics and removed it due to it's Jewish roots (it was his father's surname until he changed it to Heidler, then Hitler.) History remembers him as the worst human being ever to walk the face of the earth (take that Art Modell.)
I'm not trying to pick on Denver here, but geez. Luckily for all the baby boomers out there, there wasn't a lot of color television going on at the beginning of the 60's when the Broncos first treated the world to these beauties. Unlucky for us in the here and now, you can't turn on ESPN, or read an article on nfl.com without seeing these things. The uniforms aren't terrible, there's something there with the earth-tones in contrast, but those damn socks give me seizures. To really understand, you need to see them in action. They're only temporary, so far being worn twice this season, yet the city of Denver never learns. In 1962 the fans burned these uniforms in a ceremony when the new "Orange Crush" uniforms were unveiled.
What's the connection?
When it's all said and done, and the big one is coming to an end, they'll be long gone, and hopefully mankind can learn from it's mistakes.
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